


Drain the Walnut

by MXD



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, M/M, Prostate Massage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 01:08:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2713370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MXD/pseuds/MXD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a borderline crack fic that leads to many fingers in a pie, the pie being Ryan's butt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drain the Walnut

**Author's Note:**

> P-much a crack fic, wrote it because I was the amused by the idea. Hopefully it will make you the aroused.

It all started with Gavin saying that sometimes you just gotta drain the walnut. Which caused everyone else in the office to slowly turn around and stare at Gavin because that was a weird British idiom that they had never heard before. Gave, of course, shrugged like everyone knew the phrase and the rest of his coworkers were the weird ones.

 

“Gav, do you mean the walnuts, as in balls? Because most people have two of them. In a pair.” Ryan said slightly more condescending tone than he intended.

 

“No, walnut as in prostate, duh.” Gavin shot back.

 

At this point Lindsay snapped around and got back to editing because she knew this was going to lead to about a 15 minute shouting match that turned into another gay sex orgy. And she was determined to not get caught with her pants down, ready to leave work without her work done. I mean, it wasn’t like she was going to bring her hitachi magic wand to work so she can sit and fap. The likelihood of one of the guys breaking it was too high for her to risk something that plugs into the wall exploding and zapping one of those idiots.

 

Though it might make for a good video.

 

Michael also went back to editing because Lindsay’s responsible streak had rubbed off on him when she was rubbing his insides, but he left an ear out to listen to Ryan and Gavin go at it about if prostate massage was a common thing or not. Ray was instigating, Geoff was almost done editing his video and did not give a fuck unless someone was dying because he could smell the oncoming orgy in the air like an approaching rain storm.

 

And Jack was sitting there like an innocent lion bear, being cuter than everyone else.

 

The usual bullshit continued until Gavin said something about it preventing cancer while Ryan was still focusing on the semantics of the phrase “drain the walnut,” since drain implies that it would be a continual stream of fluid rather than “bust a nut” which implies more of an explosion of some kind.

 

“Well when you milk a prostate you do get more of a continual gush of fluid rather than a spurt. Though prostate orgasms have been known to make penis just spray out like squirt rather than the usual ejaculate, usually a lot more clear too.”

 

And everyone with an ear out slowly turns to look at Jack who just tossed that nugget of wisdom over his shoulder. Lindsay had fortunately finished her editing in time to hear Geoff say:

 

“Jack, should we gather that a certain Australian-”

 

“She calls it getting the venom out. It’s a pretty common thing over there. Down there. Down under there.” Jack explained.

 

Gavin nodded sagely feeling vindicated, while Ryan was squinting like he was either disgusted or trying to figure out how to try this shit out without sounding like a needy bottom. Ray was tenting his fingers like an evil villain because he could totally see the theme of the Achievement Hunter was going to be Ryan’s butt.

 

Geoff was drumming his fingers on his desk knowing that Michael was totally watching, and Michael was totally watching and thinking about how long those tattooed fingers were and how deep they could reach inside of him.

 

“Are you guys being serious right now?” Ryan almost shouted.

 

“Yes, we are being absolutely S. R. S.” Gavin said as he spun back to his desk.

 

“Can confirm, been told a number of things about Jack’s butt, which is apparently nice enough to want to summer on and frequently dive into like a silky man butt cave.” Lindsay called over her shoulder instigating her fapping material for the night.

 

“Dear god, she said she was going to make that her catch phrase, I thought she was joking.” Jack said as he facepalmed.

 

“Well you do have a cute butt, Jack.”

 

“Thanks Geoff,” Jack said lightly, vaguely concerned that he was going to be the next Achievement Hunter to have a story about being fucked over by Geoff, likely the side of a couch, that ends with the usual, “his-dick-is-really-nice-and-totally-made-me-cum.”

 

“You guys are saying this like it is a really common thing-” Ryan started.

 

“Can confirm, rub the walnut and your dick just kind of runs. Like a runny nose except actually enjoyable.” Michael said before taking a swig of his drink.

 

“Wait, but when I did you didn’t” Gavin said looking completely confused.

 

“I’ve been fingered by more than just you, Gavin,” Michael grumbled loudly. “This butt is a hot property, everyone is trying to get in it. Though no one has tried to turn it into their vacation spot, unlike Jack.”

 

Jack, being an adorable lion bear shrugged his shoulders and kept his face neutral because he could feel Geoff undressing him with his eyes.

 

“Wait so does that mean that Ryan is the only one that has not has his prostate milked?” Ray asked. “I mean, of the people in the room with prostates.”  
  
“Big ups, Ray.” Lindsay called over her shoulder, raising her energy drink over her head.

 

“We can fix that for your Ryan.” Michael said gently. “Gavin’s fingers are really long and thin, which feel pretty awesome. And Geoff fingers are a bit thicker than Gavin’s and more experienced but a bit rougher.”

 

“Wait, what about Lindsay’s?” Gavin cut in. “Because she totally fingered you that time we were making out on your couch and she was behind you and you kept moaning into my mouth and sucking on my tongue.”

 

Michael turned bright red as his face pulled into a perverted ahegao expression. Ray got out of his chair to give Lindsay a congratulatory punch in the shoulder. And Geoff kept doing spider things with his fingers while Jack was trying and failing at pretending not to watch. Jack was also failing at not getting a boner.

 

Ray hopped back in his chair and put his feet up, “I can also confirm the runniness of my penis when being fingered.” Ray said smugly.

 

“Does that mean you are no longer a pencil dicked virgin?” Lindsay asked.

 

“Excuse you, my dick is more like an ink pen, it is far more messy when it breaks.” Ray quipped back.

 

“So, Jack, about your butt-” Geoff started.

  
“Let’s not focus on my butt when Ryan’s butt is clearly both virgin and in need.” Jack cut him off. 


End file.
